A fact sheet (Mind for better mental health 2009:n.p.) conducted in the United Kingdom on women and mental health indicates women's proneness to mental health challenges when they do not have positive coping or survival strategies to help them deal with these challenges. The fact sheet records rates of anxiety and depression as one and a half or two times higher in women than in men, with rates of self-harm being two or three times higher. The fact sheet states that at least one new mother in 10 would experience postnatal depression. It also mentions that out of the 1.15 million people who suffer from an eating disorder, 90% were found to be women (Mind for better mental health 2009:n.p.). It further suggests that these facts are often the outcome of ‘internalising’ negative emotions, such as the perception of parental rejection.

Rohner and Khaleque (n.d.) point out that considerable research literature shows that the quality of a parent-child relationship characterised by perceived parental acceptance (perceived love) or perceived parental rejection (perceived lack of love) is a major predictor of psychological functioning and development for both children and adults universally. Gull, Tanq and Malik (n.d.) report that persons who have perceived parental rejection are more likely to be hostile, dependent, emotionally unstable, emotionally unresponsive, to have impaired feelings of self-esteem and self-sufficiency, and to have a negative view of the world.

Lessesne and Kennedy (2005:757) suggest that poor mental health could contribute to cycles of intergenerational transmission of risks, leading to poor mental and physical health in children of exposed women. It states that if left untreated, mental, emotional and behavioural health concerns can greatly affect the development of a child, just as they affect the lives of adults. This means that if the daughter's perception of rejection from her mother is left unresolved, it can also affect the next generation. To be more precise, the daughter can predispose her child to the same mental, emotional and physical challenges that emerge from perceived parental rejection, if not worse. This can continue for generations and generations until the cycle is broken by effectively managing the phenomenon.

Because a person's quality of life depends greatly on his or her mental health, the ongoing existence of aspects that affect the mental health could greatly diminish that quality of life. The World Health Organization (2004:21) also relates the intrinsic value of mental health, describing it as a pivotal resource for persons, families, communities and nations and that it contributes to the social, human and economic capital of every society. This boils down to my (one of the above authors) concern that denying the young women mental health would be like denying them the need for survival, because mental health encompasses productive functioning and the capacity to build and maintain a fulfilling life.

The greatest issue here is that if anyone ought to love a child, it is a mother, as mothers are seen as life givers and the most fundamental teachers of survival skills (Mark n.d.; Stuart 2009). Any society's faith rests on mothers to bring up children who are productive and contribute positively to its development. Stuart (2009) even attests to some women who have perceived rejection from their mothers, once grown and being adults with families of their own, still referring to a mother's perceived rejection in their early years as the most disastrous experience of their lives.

Life stories: McAdams (2009:11) explains that life stories are narratives of the self that are internalised and evolving. Life stories will reveal how the young women who have perceived rejection from their mothers integrated their past, present, and future in a manner that displays some sense of their life meaning and purpose.

Young women: Sadock and Sadock (2007:45) mention that young adulthood is considered to begin at the end of adolescence and end at the age of 40. The Oxford Advanced Learner’ s Dictionary (2011:n.p.) defines women as being of the sex that can bear offspring or produce eggs. In relation to these clarifications, our research study involves young women aged between 18 and 35 years. The terms are used interchangeably with ‘daughters’ in our research study.

Perceived: Uys and Middleton (2004:836) define perceptual processes as the experience of sensing, interpreting and comprehending the social world through conscious awareness of the elements in it. Our research study evolved around the perception of rejection as it influences the way in which the young women under study thought and behaved.

Rejection: Rejection was applied in our research study as defined by Williams, Forgas and Von Hippel (2005:47) – the broadest, most generic term for instances where the young women perceive their relational value with their mother as being lower than they desire. Occurrences of either prior belonging or non-belonging are accompanied by the young women's either positive or negative evaluations of the mother, with or without the involvement of actual disassociation, and as a result of either comparative or non-comparative judgements. The term was used cohesively with perceived neglect in our research study.

A post-modern constructivist approach (Gray et al. 2007:184) was applied, where our interests were solely based on the young women's life stories of perceived rejection from their mothers as well as their settings, rather than on concepts and theories. The approach followed a qualitative, exploratory, descriptive, contextual research study design (Creswell 2013:59). This was because qualitative research requires us to get to the heart and soul of the young women's life stories and settings without imposing any expectations (Chambliss & Schutt 2010:10). Exploratory research is concerned with discovering and gathering new information about and insights into the phenomenon under study (Gray et al. 2007:37). Descriptive research has as its main objective the accurate and detailed portrayal of the participants’ beliefs, values, attitudes and cognitive processes that underlie the phenomenon under study (Polit & Beck 2010:552). Contextual research is when the natural setting in which events occur is used as an ‘observation post’ from which data are gathered (Gorman & Clayton 2005:4).

The first and most fundamental pattern of relationship that a human being can experience, often associated with the one developed with a parent or a caregiver, often sets the tone for future relationship patterns (Uys & Middleton 2004:31). That being said, we found that the young women with life stories of perceived rejection from their mothers also perceived challenges in forming and sustaining other relationships in their lives.

The participants’ perceived hardships with parenting were found to be emotionally based, as we gathered that they were experiencing some or other burden in caring for their children. These are some of their statements: ‘I didn’t have a connection. It was difficult for my mind to adapt that now you have a child. I knew I was pregnant but it was hard …’ (Participant 8), and ‘I didn’t really like my son that much. Even after giving birth, I didn’t carry him …’ (Participant 2).

The emotional state of a parent is said to have a significant effect on the quality of the relationship that they build with their child (Bornstein et al. 2003:133). Shaffer (2005:144) explains that the young women most probably start out with the best intentions when they themselves become parents. They vow never to do to their children what they perceive to have been done to them – ‘but they often expect their infants to be “perfect” and to love them right away’ (Shaffer 2005:144). So when their babies are irritable and fussy, as all infants sometimes are, the already emotionally insecure young women are likely to feel rejected once again and may withdraw their affection, to the point of repeating the cycle of perceived parental rejection or neglect with their own child. Cottle (2003:24) gives another explanation, that the young women grow up to be parents that practice the same parenting patterns inflicted on them because they may know no other forms of interaction or attachment.

The participants spoke of abuse or being taken advantage of in relationships which they were in at the time or had been in. Although speaking of pain and unhappiness that they experienced in their intimate relationships, we identified that they somehow found themselves still attached to their partners. These are the words of some of the participants:

Parental response that is perceived as sensitive is associated with secure attachment patterns, but because the young women perceive that their mothers failed to be sensitive and responsive to their needs, they start to develop insecure attachment and low self-worth (Miller 2004:69). With insecure attachment the young women may come to believe that they are bad and unworthy of love, respect and support (Sedikides & Spencer 2007:26). The young women may also develop a tendency of wanting to repair their low self-worth by seeking reassurance and validation from others (Miller 2004:288).

The participants in our research study were of the opinion that they related better with male friends than female friends. They stated their reasons based on their history and experiences with female friends, for example: ‘… I make better friends with guys …’ (Participant 7), and ‘… Okay, so there's these guys that I chill with, I don’t have that many girlfriends …’ (Participant 1).

Shaffer (2005:380) states that individuals who perceive neglect or rejection from their parent(s) often display a number of serious problems, including social anxiety. This is, at most, a result of the negative feelings and emotions that accompany their low self-concept. The shame and embarrassment that, conversely, accompanies low self-concept may inform the young women that they are at risk of group rejection (Sedikides & Spencer 2007:197). This may ultimately predispose them to self-compromising behaviours of either a desire to appease others for the sake of friendship or avoiding any closeness because of a negative view of people in general, especially other women (Miller 2004:70).

The young women experienced that their lives were conflicted because their life stories of perceived rejection from their mothers had not been dealt with and resolved (Uys & Middleton 2004:270). This seemed to have resulted in the young women's perceptions and emotions centred on their life stories festering in their lives and the organisation of their relationship with their mother. The categories identified under this follow below.

During the in-depth interviews with the young women the interviewing researcher experienced that they harboured a lot of anger towards their mothers, and as a result a sense of loss of respect for the mother could also be identified. Participant 3 said ‘It makes me have an evil heart. I have a lot of anger …’, whilst Participant 5 stated as follows:

The rejection and harsh treatment perceived by the young women from their mothers are the core elements and socialising practices that contribute to the development of the anger that they harbour (Miller 2004:68). The anger can turn to hostility and resentment, as it is directed towards someone who is perceived to have threatened their identity and sense of security (Sedikides & Spencer 2007:190).

Even without asking about it, the young women spoke of their love for their mothers. Each time it was a vulnerable sight to see. The interviewing researcher also heard them speak of putting their mother's feelings first before their own, yet they feel a strong need to live away from her. Living away from her, however, proved hard for the young women, who still apparently had love for their mothers. These were some of their statements: ‘… I still can’t leave her, and I won’t. For some reason, she's got this hold on me [crying ]. But it's okay, it's hard …’ (Participant 6), and ‘… I love my mom very much. I don’t think she realises that I love her …’ (Participant 2).

The young women's apparent love for their mothers, despite perceiving rejection from them, mainly stems from the young women's need to protect the mother from the same hurt they feel from the whole perception of rejection (Miller 2004:74). The young women therefore tend not to want to inflict or cause their mothers the same pain, ultimately putting themselves in positions where they make sacrifices for her. However, they have a need to live away from the mother because being around her seems to be a reminder of the unpleasant feelings and emotions that the young women carry with them and, most importantly, what they believe about themselves (self-concept) and their relationship with their mothers (Coleman & Kerbo 2006:49).

One of our findings was that the young women seemed to be battling to get over the pain of their life stories of perceived rejection from their mothers. They cited the perceived negative behaviours that they saw themselves doing in trying to cope with or even forget about their situation. What was conflicting about this is that the young women believed that their life stories made them strong individuals, in that they could deal with any situation without necessarily relying on their mothers – yet they seemed to struggle with coping and survival strategies, even when it came to other pain in their lives. Here is some of what the participants said during the interviews: ‘Smoking, that's the one thing I can say I do when I’m stressed. I do smoke’ (Participant 4), and ‘I still have suicidal ideations because I can’t figure out if my mom really loves me …’ (Participant 8).

The young women tend to lose self-control and engage in self-defeating behaviours as a result of their life stories of perceived rejection from their mothers, as they lack the ability to regulate their emotions (Sedikides & Spencer 2007:320). Shaffer (2005:320) adds that many of those individuals who have perceived rejection or neglect are, however, remarkably resilient because of having had to be self-reliant in finding a perceived positive relationship elsewhere for themselves. However, this still does not remove the low concept of self that results from the perceived negative relationship with the mother, since she (the mother) remains her parent, an individual of high importance and influence in her life (Bornstein et al. 2003:244). Hence the challenge that the young women still encounter with coping and survival strategies when they face or think about their life stories of perceived rejection from their mothers.

Young adulthood mostly requires establishing an identity that matches one's young adult goals (Sadock & Sadock 2007:45). This process can be viewed as an elaboration of self and is often influenced by relationships that the young adult regarded as important. If these relationships are perceived to be distorted, such as in the young women's life stories of perceived rejection from their mothers, the young women's inner definitions of themselves can become emotionally affected by how they view themselves and their relationship with their mothers. In line with this, the categories identified from the in-depth interviews with the young women are outlined below.

The participants experienced that even as they went through something painful in their lives, their mothers could not be there for them. What we also noted was that such memories seemed to be etched into their minds, and still appeared to be vivid and painful as they shared the experience. Participant 3 stated ‘I stay quiet and sometimes find myself crying at night when everyone is asleep knowing that no-one else can see or hear me’, whilst Participant 5 said:

It is a parent's privilege to support their child and to satisfy a wide range of his or her emotional needs, since parental warmth and support are seen as key components in the development of a secure parent-child relationship (Coleman & Kerbo 2006:53). However, when a mother's reaction to her daughter's emotions is perceived to be negative, it denies the daughter an environment where she feels free to experience and express emotions (Miller 2004:404).

The young women in our research study perceived that their mothers failed to guide them through life and to establish a relationship where they could feel free to openly communicate with them about anything and everything. Some of them had the following to say during the interviews:

Positive guidance is necessary in rearing a child because it instils structure and order that make the child's life easier in gaining a better understanding of the world and developing some sense of self-guidance (Miller 2004:70). Another factor that contributes to the development of self is how and how much a parent communicates with their child (Sedikides & Spencer 2007:77). Communication allows the parent to explain consequences of behaviour and reasons for rules which, ultimately, can become useful for the young women in reducing and/or eliminating maladaptive behaviours.

The young women were of the perception that, ever since they could remember, their mothers showed an inability to emotionally connect with them as there were no hugs, kisses or any signs that could assure them of her love or affection towards them. Some of the young women had the following to say in light of this:

A mother's perceived inability to provide love, affection and nurturing indicates a perceived failure to be responsive to the needs of her daughter. Such perceived insensitive parental responsiveness is likely to rob the daughter of the basic need for security and parental-affirmation, resulting in the daughter developing a negative self-identity (Miller 2004:68). A negative self-identity predisposes the daughter to insecure attachments and negative connections with both adults and peers (Shaffer 2005:437).

A phenomenological approach was used to detail the many emotions and issues that the young women who have perceived rejection from their mothers endured. Our research study also displayed cause and effect from the phenomenon under study, which depicted a generational cycle of the phenomenon if left unmanaged. Guidelines and recommendations were formulated as a framework to assist the young women in coping with the challenges of their life stories.