When ideal and real culture clash-trust , infidelity and condom use

Opsomming With high rates of HIV transmission in South Africa, the correct and consistent use of condoms has become criti­ cally important. The findings reported in this article form part o f a larger study that investigated the vulnerability of women to HIV infection. This article concentrates on one dimension of the study: how a clash between real and ideal culture negatively impacts upon condom use. This study, conducted in Bloemfontein, revealed that an ideal culture of trust, resulted in non condom use. On the other hand, this study also revealed that despite the emphasis on an ideal culture of trust, a real culture of infidelity exists. This places individuals at risk of contracting HIV, as con­ dom use is guided by ideal rather than real culture. Met die hoë koers van MIV-oordrag in Suid-Afrika, is die korrekte en konsekw ente gebruik van kondom e van kardinale belang. Die bevindinge wat in hierdie artikel gerapporteer word, vorm deel van ’n groter studie waarin die vatbaarheid van veral vroue virMIV-infeksie ondersoek is. Hierdie artikel fokus op die teenstellende dimensie van werklike en ideale kultuur wat negatief in kondoomgebruik manifesteer. In die studie, wat in Bloemfontein ondemeem is, is bevind dat ’n ideale kultuur van vertroue tot gevolg het dat respondente nie sondermeer kondome gebruik nie. Hierdie studie het egter ook bevind dat, ten spyte van die beklemtoning van ’n ideale kultuur van getrouheid, ’n werklike kultuur van ontrou bestaan. Dit maak mense vatbaar vir MIV-infeksie omdat die besluit om kondome te gebruik, eerder deur ideale, as werklike kultuur, gerig word.


Introduction
South Africa, like many other Sub-Saharan countries, has a high rate of sexually transmitted infections including the Hu man Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) (Key, De Noon & Boyles, 1997:12).One of the strategies to prevent sexually transmitted infections (STI's), HIV in particular, is the correct and consist ent use o f condoms.However, condoms are not always used effectively and consistently and has lead many researchers to investigate this issue (De Wet, Ackerm ann & Crichton., 2001;Warren, 1997;Pesa, Syre, & Fu, 1999).
The findings reported in this article form ed part o f a larger study that investigated the vulnerability o f women to HIV in fection.This article concentrates on one dimension o f the study: how a clash between real and ideal culture negatively impacts upon condom use.

Methodology
The general aim of this study was to explore the underlying dynam ics that make women vulnerable to HIV infection.The study was undertaken in Bloem fontein1, within a sample of HIV positive women.The participants in the study were se lected by means of purposive (non-probability) sampling.In a study of this nature this type o f sampling is really the only sampling option open to the researcher.Babbie (1993:204) states in this regard that there are situations where it would be either impossible or unfeasible to select probability samples.Neuman (1997:206) asserts that " [pjurposive sampling is an acceptable kind o f sampling for special situations.It uses the judgem ent o f an expert in selecting cases or it selects cases with a specific purpose in mind.With purposive sampling, the researcher never knows whether the cases selected represent the population.It is used in exploratory research or in field research."Due to the fact that the entire population o f HIV positive women is un known and also because o f the sensitive nature of the study the only option available to the researcher was that of purposive sampling.An expert was used (in this case, the same person who acted as the interviewer) to identify the "sample" .
The sample included ten women.The ages of the participants ranged from 19 to 46.The home languages of the participants were one of the following: Sesotho, isiXhosa, Setswana and English2.Two of the participants were married, one was di vorced and the rest were single or cohabiting.Only two o f the participants were em ployed by a business, one was self em ployed and the rest described themselves as unemployed.A qualitative approach was followed and in-depth semi-structured interviews were used to gather information.These inter views were tape recorded and later transcribed and translated into English.The researcher analysed the data by organising it into categories on the basis o f themes, concepts or similar features.
1 Bloem fontein is a city in the Free State Province o f South Africa. 2 One woman came from Zam bia, but did not specify what her home language was, she participated in English.
It is every social scientist's ethical responsibility to ensure that the participants in his/her study are not harmed in any way.This is particularly true in research involving HIV posi tive people.In order to protect the participants in this study the researcher used the Human Sciences Research Council's (HSRC) code of ethics as a guideline when conducting the research.The following principles of the HSRC (1997) were adhered to:

Conceptualising ideal and real culture
Human beings are born into a complex culture which includes the knowledge, beliefs, customs, norms and values shared by members of a society.Culture has been defined as the way of life o f members o f a society (Giddens, 1993:31).Culture be comes so familiar to human beings, that it is taken for granted, and people do not question what they do or even why they do it.Everyday life is a reality that rarely requires explanation.Social life would be chaotic, if not impossible, if it were not so.Individuals learn a great num ber of cultural expectations from birth.These expectations or norms constitute the fundamental social rules in accordance with which persons normally act.Norms are defined as expectations of how one should act, be have and even feel in certain situations (Popenoe, 1995:58).Norms are situation bound, and vary according to the position and role that is relevant.Cultural expectations underlie almost every facet o f daily interaction with others, and gives structure to our daily social lives.The behaviour of individuals is thus guided by the expectations of others and what they believe is right or wrong.
The argument used in this article hinges on two important con cepts related to culture: ideal and real culture.Ideal and real culture can be seen as the difference between what people believe and what they actually do (Popenoe, 1995:65).Shepard, (2002:75) describes ideal and real culture as follows " [tjhere is sometimes a gap between cultural guidelines and actual be haviour.This gap is captured in the concepts o f ideal and real culture.Ideal culture refers to cultural guidelines publicly em braced by members o f society; these are the guidelines we claim to accept.Real culture refers to actual behavior pat terns." At times ideal and real culture are consistent and what people actually do, corresponds with what the ideal value is.On the other hand, sometimes ideal and real culture clash -this is when people publicly embrace a certain norm/value but in real ity practice som ething different."For example, one aspect of A m erica's ideal culture is honesty.Yet, in real culture some taxpayers annually violate the ... tax laws, .... some students cheat on e x a m s ......These are not isolated instances.These real cultural patterns are often passed from generation to gen- The following section of the article focuses on the findings of the study with regard to ideal and real culture, and how this relates to condom use.

Findings An ideal culture of fidelity
The value of fidelity or faithfulness is part of the ideal culture of most societies.Fidelity is part o f the expectations o f most dating/courting relationships which later develop into engage ments and ultimately marriage, where the exclusivity o f the relationship is stressed/formalised.Partners thus promise to concentrate their expressions o f erotic/love and sexuality on one person (to be faithful)*3 (Davidson and Moore, 1992:15).Breach of this norm is considered serious and infidelity often leads to a breakup in the relationship.In a South African study, the male respondents stated that a person should only have one partner and be monogamous (UNAIDS, 2000:59).Trust becomes important as individuals believe that their partners will obey the normative expectation of fidelity.
Given that an ideal culture o f faithfulness exists, it is apparent that this is used as a point of reference when negotiating con dom use.This study found that the main reasons for the non use o f condoms is trust.Trust in this context implies trusting the faithfulness/fidelity of your partner.An appeal is thus made to the ideal culture.Trust was a central idea that ran through the reports o f participants in this study.Many women stated that they trusted their part ners and therefore did not use condoms.In other cases, men used the question o f trust to convince the women not to use condoms.The following responses sum up why condoms were not used:

No, I d id n ' t [u se condom s]... it w as like ... okay, we tru sted each oth er an d he sa id I w as his only girlfriend. " "It w as because I tru sted him " "Som etim es [w e u sed condom s], but he d id n 't p refer them an d sa id that I d id n 't trust and love him. " "No, he d id n 't understand them ...h e sa id condom s are f o r p eo p le who like g irls an d b o ys an d ask ed if I d o n 't trust h im ."
The above finding is consistent with other studies that have revealed that the use o f condom s have becom e associated with mistrust and are often not used because they imply mis trust.The use of condoms goes against the ideal culture of fidelity.
To use a condom is to admit that the expectations o f ideal culture have been breached.Requests for condom use may be interpreted as distrusting your partner and are viewed as acts of hostility that calls one's partners health and morals in ques tion (LeBeau, Fox, Becker & Mufune, 2001:66;Oliver, 1996:317)."Condom less sex" on the other hand is seen as a dem onstra tion of trust in one's sexual partner (LeClerc-Madlala, 2001:41).
3 Even in a polygam ous marriage the value of exclusivity is relevants.
A real culture of infidelity "Condom less sex" would not be such a problem if an ideal culture of fidelity was coupled with a real culture of fidelity.Unfortunately a cultural inconsistency exists in this regard and the ideal culture of fidelity is accom panied by a real culture of infidelity.. M ulti-partnering has become a characteristic of the sexual culture in Southern Africa.In a study in Zimbabwe, Basset (1993:8) found that 80% of married men had girlfriends in addition to their wives.Along a similar vein, a South African study revealed that although the male respondents said that people are supposed to have only one partner and be m onoga mous, more than half of the same group of respondents re ported having at least one casual partner in the past year (UN AIDS, 2000:59).Multi-partnering also seems to be accepted and even encouraged among teenage boys.In this regard, Tillotson & Maharaj, (2001:90) states that the boys "..are also under pressure of peers and social norms that encourage them to engage in multiple sexual relationships to prove their virility ..." .The same author found that many boys had more than one girlfriend that they were having sexual relations with.
Infidelity in relationships was also evident in this study as almost all o f the participants mentioned infidelity in their rela tionships.This was often the only thing that marred what ap peared to be good relationships.Unfaithfulness was found to occur particularly when men worked out o f town, which is in line with the theory that migratory labour has contributed to the spread of HIV (Decosas, 1998 andHunt, 1989).

" ...he w as working outside /towny. One d a y he to ld abou t a certain g irl who w anted to go out with him. I think he was afraid to tell m e the real truth...H e didn't w ant us to tell our p a ren ts that we h ad the virus. H e sa id HIV is n ot like AIDS an d that it can be cured. T h at' s one o f the reasons I think I g o t it from him. "
" When men work out ... they should stop sleeping with p r o s titutes even at the shebeen they m ust not have sex with any women they com e across there."

"...he w as doin g b a d things with oth er wom en [having af fa irs], he w as doin g them outside w here I d id not see him because som etim es he g oes an d work ou tside Bloemfontein. "
Yet the women in this study forgave their unfaithful partners.This corresponds with the findings of LeClerc-Madlala (2001:40) who points out that women continue to accept that men have numerous partners and the men seem to regard numerous part ners as part o f the real culture.In this study it became clear that the issue o f ideal versus real culture is relevant when considering condom use.The value of trust (ideal culture) appears to be important in the relation ships that were studied.Individuals do not use condoms be cause they trust their partners.Men ask women if they don't trust them when the women ask for condoms and yet the real culture is something different -a culture of infidelity and a tolerance of infidelity prevails.

Concluding comments
The ideal situation would be if ideal and real culture were con sistent.In this case, condoms would not be necessary except as a contraceptive measure.A real culture o f exclusivity and less casual sex could be propagated (this could be from a moral or secular perspective -thus not only for moral but also for health reasons).In the aforementioned instance, ideal culture will guide behaviour and real culture will be consistent bring ing greater protection to partners.
However, perhaps it is naïve to think that the real culture of infidelity will change (although some such as Paterson (1996) argue that the HIV epidemic may be the catalyst) given the reality o f our society.In this instance, it is necessary to openly acknowledge the real culture o f infidelity and that real culture should be the guide when condom use is considered.Perhaps the time has come to insist on condom use and so admit exist ence o f the real culture.
In addition to this, if the real culture of infidelity is acknowl edged by all in society, women must have the power to insist on condom use.At present women do not have this power.LeBeau et al. (2001:67) point out that women who are depend ent on men for economic support find it difficult to enforce condom use even when they know that their husbands are having extramarital affairs.This raises issues of empowerment of women.
Understanding the ideal real culture clash is one explanation of non-condom use and sheds lights on the behaviour of people in this regard.The "hypocrisy" related to real and ideal culture must be considered and opened up to scrutiny even if it re veals behaviour that in terms o f ideal culture, is considered undesirable.
.the only b a d thing w as that he u sed to love girls.I w ou ld m ost o f the tim e fin d him with girls but w e used to so rt things out." "..I think we (men an d wom en) are both the sam e because we are both unfaithful.'' "H e d isappoin ted me.I fo u n d him with a certain girl, but he b eg g ed f o r fo rg iven ess an d sa id it w ould n ever happen again ... but it d id continue."" Yes, I think that every person w ill end up with this disease because our p eo p le are not faith fu l a t a l l ".