WOMEN'S JOURNEY OF RECOVERY FROM SEXUAL ASSAULT TRAUMA: A GROUNDED THEORY

The purpose of the study was to explore and analyse the journey of recovery which is undertaken by women who have been sexually assaulted, with the aim of discovering the grounded theory of recovery from sexual assault within the first six months following the event of rape. The main research question was: 'What is the journey of recovery that is undertaken by women within the first six months following sexual assault?' Another question that developed during data collection and data analysis was 'What is the meaning that women attach to recovery?' The findings are discussed under the eight concepts or categories and the context and the intervening conditions that influence the journey of recovery from sexual assault trauma. Refer to part 1 article. These are complemented with abstracts of data from the participants' voices and the related discussions. The developed theory highlights the process and the interconnectedness of the different stages of what the women experience in their journey of recovery from sexual assault trauma.


Introduction
The purpose o f this article is to describe women's journey of recovery from sexual assault trauma.It is a theory o f recovery from sexual assault trauma which was d isc o v ered and c o n stru cte d through inductive and deductive analysis o f data which was grounded on the ten w om en's descriptions o f their journey from sexual a s s a u lt, u sin g S tra u ss an d C o rb in (1990,1998) guidelines as a framework for c o n d u c tin g d a ta a n a ly sis and o th e r co m p lem e n tary q u a lita tiv e research procedures in order to enhance the data a n a ly s is p ro c e ss an d im p ro v e the tru stw o rth in ess o f the data an aly sis process.The relevant excerpts from the participants' data are used to highlight the origins o f the concepts o f the theory.
The purpose of the study was to explore and analyse the jo u rn e y o f recovery which is undertaken by women who have been sexually assaulted, with the aim of d isc o v erin g the g ro u n d ed th eo ry o f recovery from sexual assault within the first six months following the event of rape.The main research question was: 'W hat is the journey o f recovery that is undertaken by women within the first six m o n th s fo llo w in g se x u a l a s s a u lt? ' Another question that developed during data collection and data analysis was 'What is the meaning that women attach to recovery?' The findings are discussed under the eight concepts or categories and the context and the intervening conditions that influence the journey of recovery from sexual assault trauma.R efer to the part one article.

Sexual assault trauma
Sexual assault traum a was identified as the first concept of the theory o f recovery from sexual assault.The main category o f the concept o f sexual assault trauma, 'mental paralysis', is an immediate state in w hich the participant finds herself durin g the sexual assau lt ev en t and immediately thereafter.
M ental paralysis was derived from two terms, "m ental" which is defined as "of th e m in d " an d " p a r a ly s is " w ith a figurative meaning relating to a state of utter powerlessness (The Concise Oxford Dictionary of Current English, 1964:760, 880).
In the excerpt below, one participant illustrates 'a state of mental paralysis' as follows: "M y husband was still lying with his hands and fe e t tied.I did not even think o f untying him.I ju s t lay th e re fo r some time.I could not move or think.M y whole body was ju s t heavy............The next thing, I h eard m y husband who h ad fin ish e d u n ty in g h im self, I d o n 't kn o w how, instructing me to dress.I then realised that there was nothing wrong with my body, I could move." Another participant described the same experience as follows: "I ju s t lay there motionless.H e came back and said, 'Good, you are still here '.He continued fro m where he left, Sine.He did his thing until he was satisfied.He left me there and disappeared.I stood there naked fo r some time... "

Awakening
The concept 'aw akening' was derived from the definition o f awakening which comes from the word 'aw aken'.Awaken m eans: to cease to sleep, beco m in g co n scio u s o f or being aroused from sleep.The figurative meaning o f the term 'aw aken' is "to becom e active" (The Concise Oxford Dictionary o f Current English, 1964:81).The latter meaning was use to construct the concept 'awakening' in the theory.The subcategories under th is c o n c e p t in c lu d e se lf-b la m in g , blaming God for allowing rape to happen, g u ilty f e e lin g s and b e in g b la m e d , allowing someone to take control, conflict o f beliefs, seeking help and selective disclosure, i.e. determining what to tell about the event o f rape, how much to tell, who to tell and when to tell about the event of rape.Selective disclosure can also mean deciding whether to tell or not to tell at all.
During awakening, the woman realises the rep ercussions o f rape, and starts considering what the incident o f rape means to her.She appears not to be in total control of what is going on, and is likely to be dependent or to rely on the other people's decisions or advice.Another participant expressed her self blame as follows: "I had thought that he will leave me after the rape, worse, we had ju st got married fo r 2 months.I was blaming m yself fo r what happened to us, and I fe lt that he [husband] was really going to leave me fo r that and would not love me at a ll."B la m in g G od is illu s tr a te d in the following excerpt: "I kn o w th a t m y th o u g h ts are bad, because I still ask m yself why He allowed this to happen to me.Do you think I am confused?" For a participant who discovered after rape that she was HIV-positive, selective disclosure was very important, and she knew exactly who should be told which information and how.She selected what or how much to tell the members o f her family and those of her live-in boyfriend: "I have not told m y sister about the H IV results and we [she and her boyfriend] have also decided not to tell m y mom who is in Eastern Cape about the rape.I am not ready to tell my sister and her husband (who are like parents to me here in Western Cape) about H IV results.

S elf
In fa c t even the rape thing, I would have preferred to keep it to myself.I think one can deal with such things personally before getting others involved.Okay!Now that they know, I have told them not to tell mom.I also asked my partner not to tell his fam ily about any o f this." A statement by a participant whose case of rape was in the media, including the national and local newspapers and local radio stations, indicated that she would have preferred the m atter to be kept within the family as follows: "M y s to r y w a s la id a ll o v e r the newspapers, I had no say about who I wanted to tell about it.Everybody ju st knows about it in the whole community.I am not com plaining, but i f I had a choice, I would have had it differently.Even m y younger siblings read about it on their own, I would have preferred to tell them myself." A nother exam ple describes the social w orker's involvem ent in assisting the particip an ts to prepare for the court hearings: "When I told the nurse at centre that I was afraid to talk about rape in court, she said she would get me someone to help me.I did not know that she could really do that fo r me.They ju s t took care o f all m y needs."

Pragmatic acceptance
Pragmatic acceptance was derived from two words, namely to 'pragm atise' and 'a c c e p ta n c e ' .To p ra g m a tis e is to r e p re s e n t as re a l o r r a tio n a lis e .A cceptance is the w ord derived from 'a cc ep t', w hich m eans to receive as adequate, allowing truth of, believe or ta k e r e s p o n s ib ility fo r fa v o u ra b le a c c e p ta n c e (T h e C o n c is e O x fo rd
In th e c u rre n t th e o ry , 'p ra g m a tic acceptance' represents categories and subcategories in which the participants ra tio n a lis e w hy th e e v e n t o f ra p e happened to her, in order for her to come to terms with the sexual assault or accept its reality.The subcategories under the c o n c e p t o r c a te g o ry 'p ra g m a tic acceptance' include the following: giving acceptable reasons for why the event of rape occurred, such as rape being G od's will, rape as an experience that happens to good as w ell as bad p eople, rape h a p p e n in g to b e lie v e rs an d n o n believers alike, and rape as a tool of war.Later (at the end o f week 24), the same participant was asked about the forgiving she had referred to at four weeks.She gave an explanation that indicated that the initial forgiving and forgetting was about pragmatic acceptance.She said: "Earlier I was referring to forgiving the a ct that has h a p pened to me, like in acceptance kind of.I t ' s only when you accept that such a thing has happened and you cannot change it, that you are able to move on." Although the 'turning point' is placed within a specific point within the theory, in reality the 'turning point' can occur at d ifferen t levels or points during the w om an's journey o f recovery, because the participants are individuals and their conditions and circumstances are not the same.

The turning point
The 'turning point' was identified as a core category, because it provided an account o f the v ariatio n in different participants' journey o f recovery from sexual assault trauma.The determining fa c to r fo r the d irectio n taken at the 'turning point' is the w om an's taking of control and responsibility for her own h e a lin g .T he fo rw a rd , p o sitiv e and clockwise direction is a feature o f those who take control o f the situation and the resp o n sibility for th eir ow n healing, irrespective of the presence or absence o f s u p p o rtiv e s tru c tu re s in th e ir environm ent.The backward, negative and a n ti-c lo c k w ise d ire c tio n s are a feature o f those w om en w ho rem ain victim s and are not in control o f the circumstances in their environment.
T h e w o m e n 's d e s c r ip tio n o f th e ir 'turning point', taking responsibility and defining them selves as a survivor, is illustrated below: "In reality Sine, I can say everything that goes with healing starts with you as a raped person.You accept that rape has happened and nobody can take it fro m you.

You can attend all counselling sessions, but i f you think o f yo u rself as a vic tim a n d have n o t a c c e p te d w hat happened and decided to move on, then, you w o n 't heal. Healing starts when you decide that 'I am not a victim anymore, I am a survivor. Ia m above what happened to me '. That helped to turn things around and move on. "
Another woman explained her 'turning p o in t' and tak in g re sp o n sib ility fo r healing as follows: '7 realised that fo r healing to occur, I needed to tell m yself that such a thing has happened and I could not change it.I decided to continue living my life the way I wanted and not to let the rape thing stop me from living, or living as a rape victim all my life.I then decided to take control o f everything I did to help me heal." Physical appearance was described as an im p o rtan t fa cto r in d ete rm in in g the 'tu rn in g p o in t' tow ards the p o sitive direction o f healing, as follows: '7 took the money that was paid by the tenants fo r last m o n th ' s rent and bought m yself a p a ir o f shoes and did m y hair at the salon.I had no nice shoes and I was going to a tten d the session with the social worker.I w anted to look good because I have decided that I am moving on with my life and the social worker was going to help me do th a t".
In the absence o f positive support from family, one participant found support from co m m u n ity m em bers, and she explained that this w as im portant in determining the 'turning point' for her:

"M y fr ie n d s a n d p e o p le o f the com m unity have really supported me because they were even there at Wynberg Court. Even now, they are collecting contributions f o r hiring transport to court on the 17,h o f March. When I heard th a t th e y w ere sin g in g a n d h a v in g placards in m y support, I was really to u c h e d by th e ir deed . I b ec a m e determ ined to continue with the case no m atter what. "
The fear of HIV infection can influence the 'tu rn in g p o in t' in a p o sitiv e or negative way.The p articipant below described how her fear that her HIV blood results w ould com e out positive was delaying her progress, until she decided to do something about it, when she got to a 'turning point'.In the first narrative she described her concern about the HIV results.In the second n arrative, she describes what she did at the 'turning point'."I f the second H IV results come back negative in March, I will know that the whole thing is over.I f they come back positive, Yoooo!That will be a disaster really!M y husband will not accept that at all.There is always that fe a r at the back o f my mind, but I do not dwell on it.M y happiness is short-lived indeed." Three months later, she related how she decided not to go for the blood results an y m o re, and how th a t m ark ed h er 'turning point' and helped her move from victim status: "I did not go fo r the second H IV results in March.The fe a r o f finding out that the re su lts h a d tu rn e d p o s itiv e was killing me.I decided that in order to move on, I needed to do something.I had to take control, I was continuously a victim o f fear, fe a r o f becoming positive!I ju st decided not to go fo r results and any other tests.Since that decision, Ife lt in control and not being controlled by that fear."

Reclaiming what was lost
'Reclaim ing what was lost' was derived from the word 'reclaim ' which is to win back or away from vice or savagery or waste condition (The Concise Oxford Dictionary of Current English, 1964:1033) -w hat was lost through the event of sexual assault and immediately thereafter.
The subcategories that are related to the c a u sa l c o n d itio n s o f th e c o n c e p t 'reclaim in g w hat w as lo s t' included p a r tic ip a n ts ' r e c o g n itio n and acknow ledgem ent o f the aspects of self w hich w ere lost through the event o f sexual assault and immediately thereafter, how the participant valued those lost aspects o f her life, grieving for what was lost, the presence o f the m otivator that provides the impetus for active strategies in reclaim ing that which was lost, such as a need for self-defence.From data analysis the lost aspects were interpreted as freedom to walk freely, loss of spiritual self, lost o f trust for men, power o f selfdefen ce, s e lf d oubt, d o u b tin g G o d 's presence, and religious beliefs.
T he participant below described that which was lost as the free-spirited self: Another aspect o f self that was lost and was w orth fighting to regain was the sexual lives among couples.The first response is from a married woman who was raped in front of her husband, and how h er husband "d econtextualised" rape from sex: "M y h u sb a n d to ld m e th a t w h a t he w itn essed was n o t m e having sex or making love to another man.He said that what he watched was not sex, but the violation o f our rights as a m arried couple.H e made me to understand that there is a difference fo r rape and sex.T hat h e lp e d both o f us to view sex differently.We spoke about it before resum ing our sex life and everything went well from the word go.We needed to talk about it in order to becom e a married couple and enjoy sex again.A t least I needed to hear it fro m him." The following participant explains how they had to "decontextualise" rape from sex after failure o f attempts to have sex following the rape: "Hm m m m !Basically we have not had sex as such.He m ight be waiting fo r me to be ready.I t ' s been difficult to have sex with him.I guess it ' s me because we tried and it was so uncomfortable, I ju st could not do it.I kept on seeing the images o f that day.I have this bad image.You know when a guy breathes, when they are a ro u sed they b a sically have the same smell when they get excited.I ju st could not handle that smell.I ju st asked him to stop.I am not sure if he is now waiting fo r me to tell him whether i t ' s okay to start.A t the same time the little tim e we sp e n d together, we en d up talking a b o u t this m an a ll the tim e. Basically our sex life went out with the rape itself."

Defining own landmarks
The The concept 'defining own landm arks' was identified from different descriptions by the participants, relating what they would regard as recovering from sexual assault traum a and/or the meaning they attached to the experiences they were describing.
The categories and subcategories under 'defining own landm arks' o f recovering from sexual assault traum a included the following: being able to talk about the ev en t o f rap e w ith o u t fe elin g pain; having a good appetite and w eight gain; acknowledging the time needed for the griev in g pro cess; g ettin g o u t o f the grieving process; remaining HIV-negative and maintenance of negative HIV status; and readiness to confront the rapist and readiness to forgive him and restoration o f 'blood' (health).
Being able to talk about the event o f rape without feeling the same pain that one felt earlier w hen talking about it was reported as a landm ark of recovering: "I think I am healing well.I am now able to talk about this w ithout feelin g bad.When  In response to the researcher's com ment about how the following participant was g a in in g w e ig h t, th e p a rtic ip a n t demonstrated w eight gain as a landmark for healing: "Yes, I have noticed it [beaming with smiles].It [weight] happens on its own.People say that it means I am dealing with the rape and the grieving period well.From w hat they say, then I know that it is a good sign.Others say it means that I am getting better.I can also fe e l it m yself...I think it goes with the healing o f the heart." The following participant also reported regaining her appetite, gaining weight and doing things that she used to do as positive landmarks o f recovering in her journey o f recovery from sexual assault: "I 've g a in e d b a ck m y a p p e tite , i t 's coming back nicely.I did not like food, I fo u n d that after som etim e the things I used to do are coming back, I started going out, doing window shopping, and all things that I could not do anymore since the rape.M y life was -to go to work; come home; listen to the radio.A t work, during lunch, I would sit alone, play games on my cell phone or listen to the music fro m my cell phone, but not talking to anyone.N ow I jo in others d u rin g lunch, en jo y w ith them like before.I see thatM aru /not real name] is back.I think that is healing fo r me." A ck now ledging the tim e needed for grieving and healing was also reported as defining the landmark o f healing: "From this time to that time, I need to grieve the loss o f that part o f me, i f it takes me three months or longer, so be it.You should not p u t time limits.Give yourself time and space to move from one stage to the other.But I m ust say you need to give yourself time to grieve.I t ' s only after you have gone through that stage that you get to another level which I think is healing ".
Another participant spoke about time as a landmark o f healing in the following statement: "Time on its own is helping me with healing.I believe that time is healing..

. k n o w in g th a t y o u w ill be h e a le d completely after some time. "
Knowing about her negative HIV status an d m a in ta in in g it as n e g a tiv e throughout the subsequent tests was a la n d m ark o f re co v erin g fo r an o th er participant.At the end, she had to stop her relationship with her boyfriend in order to maintain her HIV-negative status, after reviewing his behaviour and finding it to be risky: "Knowing that I am HIV-negative after the last test will be healing.

Readiness for closure
The concept o f 'readiness for closure' w as d e riv e d fro m th e tw o w o rd s 'readiness' and 'closure'.'R eadiness' means willingness, and 'closure' means conclusion or bringing to or coming to an end (The Concise Oxford Dictionary of Current English, 1964English, :1028,226),226).
The concept o f 'readiness for closure' w as co in ed as such b ec au se it w as recognised that at the end o f six months (the study period), the participants hadnot reached closure, although some of them described willingness for closure to h a p p e n .O ne stu d y p a rtic ip a n t questioned the possibility o f closure in the following comment: "Saying I have p u t closure or healed fu lly ....w ell in a way, yes, but I c a n 't say fu lly 'cause I would not know how it feels to be fu lly recovered.F or instance, I thought I was fin e and have p u t all this behind me, until last week.I m et this guy.He is the policem an who helped me on the day o f the rape.He said 'Do you remember me ?I m et you there [pointing to the direction o f the rape site fiv e m onths ago].What happened to you? Suddenly I fe lt that jolt.It seem ed as if the rape that happened that day was happening then.So, I guess there will always be those things that remind me. .

..b u t besides that jolt, I am moving on well. "
T h e re a d in e s s fo r c lo s u re had subcategories such as the desire to see justice done, willingness to see the rapist imprisoned and sentenced appropriately for what he did, and God doing something to the rapist or religious justice.
Based on the particip an ts' voices on willingness or readiness for closure, it was concluded that readiness for closure is a reality for most women.The following sta te m e n t d e s c rib e s re a d in e s s fo r closure:

"I think fo r purposes o f closure, it is important to accept what has happened to you so that you can move on. You must be able to identify things that you are not yet ready to deal with. "
Another participant who viewed future plans as closure commented as follows:

"So, now that I think I have grieved enough fo r the loss o f that p a rt o f me, I can c o n c e n tra te on w h a t I n e e d to achieve fo r m yself and m y kids. I need to improve m y education because I only h a v e M a tr ic [g ra d e 12 le v e l o f education]. I f there is one positive thing that came out o f this rape ordeal, it is that it gave me time to re-evaluate my life, what I need to do, what I do not n e ed , a n d I am n o w m o re fu tu r eorientated. "
S e e in g ju s tic e d o n e w as a n o th e r important category under 'readiness for closure': "I w ish he co u ld be c a u g h t [by the police] and he could ju s t say why he did it and apologise fo r it.That will make it much easier to forgive him.So what I did, I chose to ju s t fo rg e t about his fa ce and how it looked like.I realised that that w orked fo r me because when the detective came to ask us to come and identify him, I refused because I realised that I have fo rg o tte n how he looked like." This need for ju stice to be done was reported to be im portant not only to the women, but also their partners.Men took it as their responsibility to ensure that justice was done.That could be in the form o f physical violence directed to the perpetrator: "They [partner and brother-in-law] are both convinced that they w ill fin d the guy who did this to me through their connections.They will deal with him if they fin d him before the policem en do.

Right now I think the police should get him first. Otherwise the two [partner and brother-in-law] will end up in ja il fo r what they intend to do to him. "
The partner o f the following participant also w anted to see ju stic e done and w anted to take ju s tic e in to his ow n hands, as in d icated in the follow ing comment:

"He keeps saying 'i f I knew this guy who did this to you, I could have long taken care o f him! A nd I w ouldfeel much better. The fa c t that I do not know him, I walk down the streets, looking fo r someone I do not even kn o w !' I am like, why do you bother? This revenge a nd anger creates problem s fo r the two o f us. "
The com m unity m em bers also had a desire to see justice done, as explained in the accounts of two participants below: "The com m unity m em bers a ttend the court proceedings and when I heard that they were there outside singing, that served as a source o f strength fo r me." "Last week the women m arched to the po lice station to com plain a bout the rapist a nd they dem anded that he be caught and dealt with by law." In another case, the com m unity took justice into their own hands because the legal system was seen to be failing, based on the fact that the perpetrator kept on getting out on bail: "You know the person who raped me died about a month ago.He was caught on the other side busy with his hooligan ways.H e was breaking into p e o p le ' s houses, raping women as usual.They c a u g h t him a n d th ey b e a t him up.Seem ingly the police arrived.They took him to th e d a y h o sp ita l.H e w as transferred to hospital.He died there." A m ajor observation made during data a n a ly s is , an d in s e rte d in d iffe re n t th e o r e tic a l m e m o s, w as th a t a ll p articip an ts reported the rape to the police.None o f them withdrew the case, even when they were pressurised to do so by th e fa m ily o r o th e rs .T h is observation confirmed the participants' desire to see justice done.

Returning to self
The concept of 'returning to self' was constructed from the two words 'return' and 'se lf'.'R eturn' means com e back.'S elf' means persons' own individuality or essence, which is all that makes a thing what it is.'Self' also means a person as o b ject o f in tro sp e ctio n or re fle ctiv e action (The Concise Oxford Dictionary of Current English, 1964English, :1066English, ,1148)).
S u b c a te g o rie s o f th e c o n c e p t o f 'returning to self' include the following: participants defining them selves as a su rv iv o r o r 'o ld ' se lf rath er than as victims, refusing to be defined by sexual assault, being strong in order to return to the old self, w anting my life back, selection o f helpful strategies to return to se lf, be an id e a l se lf, and a c k n o w le d g in g trig g e rs th a t w ould always be a rem inder o f sexual assault trauma.
T he p a rtic ip a n t's d e sc rip tio n below dem onstrates conscious decisions taken in order to achieve the goal o f returning to self: "I chose to ignore w hatever was not h elp in g m e in a w ay o f g rievin g or dealing with the situation.I knew what I wanted, I wanted to have my life back, and I had to concentrate on that all the time ".
The following statement also relates to the participant's main goal in embarking on the journey of recovery from sexual assault trauma: "That became my main goal, to be strong and try to return to my old se lf fo r m yself and fo r him as my husband".R efusal to be iden tified as anything associated with sexual assault, whether a sexual assault victim or sexual assault su rv iv o r, w as d e s c rib e d by one participant as follows: "I do not look at m yself or define m yself as Zo [not real name] the rape victim, or Zo, the rape survivor.I am Zo fo r all my other attributes.What happened to me do es n o t d efin e w ho I am.It is som ething that happened ju s t like all the mishaps which happened in my life which I want to forget.That is what I want to be, myself!" Acknowledgem ent o f the presence and intrusive nature o f the m emories o f the event o f rape in their daily lives was highlighted by the following comments: These thoughts come like when someone talks about any crime that happened in the neighbourhood.For instance, if there was a break-in in one o f the neighbours.To me it just feels like it was the same person and no one else [laughing] Certain reminders o f the event o f rape were identified as follows: "Just a look at all the scars I suffered th ro u g h h is h a n d s re m in d s m e o f everything."

Recommendations
The findings revealed that the ultimate goal o f the w om en's journey o f recovery was returning to self.Although returning to self is an ultimate g o a l, th e w o m en a lso h ad a c le a r u n d e rs ta n d in g th a t th e jo u rn e y o f recovery will not lead to the same person that one was before the event of rape, b u t to a new se lf.A w a re n e ss and understanding o f this is evidenced by the w om en's acknowledgem ent o f what they had lost during the event o f sexual assault, the grieving process that they underwent for the aspects they had lost, as well as the lessons they had learnt from the in cid en t o f sexual assault.D ifferent authors attest to the loss of certain aspects o f self from the event of sexual assault, including o n e 's inner sense of gender identity and control of their lives and thoughts (Bletzer & Koss, 2006;Brison, 2002).Lunt (2002: 33)  One particularly interesting finding in the category "defining own landm arks of healing" was that relating to weight gain following the sexual assault event.The particip ants' view on regaining o n e's appetite and o f w eight gain following sexual assault trauma was identified as a sign of a positive journey o f recovery.It was even described by one participant as "the healing o f the heart" .This is in co n trast to the W estern view, w hich regards w eight gain follow ing sexual assault as an eating disorder (Liburd, Anderson, Edgar & Jack, 1999: 382).In the current study, the good appetite and weight gain were viewed positively and associated with healing or recovering.
T h e d iffe re n c e in b la c k and w h ite w om en's views regarding weight gain and eating disorders are well founded in literature.In their study, Liburd et. al (1999: 382), found that the black women participants indicated that a middle-tolarge body was healthier.Other studies have shown differences between young black and white women in attitudes to e a tin g , b o d y a e s th e tic s and body d issa tis fa c tio n .T hese re p o rte d th at white women had an affinity for thinness and more frequently engaged in dieting and eating disorders than black women (Aruguete, DeBord, Yates & Edman, 2005: 328;Franko & Striegel-Moore, 2002:975).T h e p a r tic ip a n ts h ig h lig h te d th a t reclaiming their sexual relationship with their partners was influenced by mutual agreem ent between the woman and her partner.T he m utual ag reem en t w as a c h ie v e d by s e p a ra tin g ("decontextualise") the sexual act from rape.Reassurance from their partners that nothing had changed in terms o f their feelings for them was another strategy that the couples used to reclaim their sexual relationships.These strategies h elp ed th em to re g a in th e ir sex u al functioning.The interpretation was that regaining sexual functioning was faster am ong those in stable and supportive relationships.
The above findings are supported by p re v io u s s tu d ie s by B u rg e ss and H o lm stro m (1 9 7 9 :1 2 7 8 ), w ho also d is c o v e re d th a t p a rtn e r su p p o rt f a c ilita te d fa s te r g e n e ra l rec o v ery .However, these findings contradict some o f th e fin d in g s by G ilb e rt and Cunningham (1986: 71), who reported sexual dysfunction within the first six months period following sexual assault.Sexual dysfunction symptoms reported after the sexual assault event included abstinence and decreased or increased sexual activity w ithin the six-m onth period (Gilbert & Cunningham, 1986:71).
T he discovery reg ard in g the m utual agreem ent about resum ption o f sexual relations betw een the participants and th e ir in tim a te p a rtn e rs is o f g re a t significance.This is a contribution to new and legitim ate know ledge about black wom en and the control o f their sexual lives.It is new knowledge because it is in contrast to what has been the belief by W estern fe m in is ts a b o u t b la c k wom en's control of their sexual lives.
The Western fem inists' literature paints b la c k w o m e n as b e in g se x u a lly constrained, ignorant, poor, uneducated, trad itio n -b o u n d , v ictim ise d , lacking control o f their bodies and sexuality, and la ck in g fre ed o m to m ake d e c isio n s re g a rd in g se x u a l r e la tio n s h ip s .In contrast the image o f the white woman has alw ays been painted as educated, m odem , having control over their own bodies and sexuality, and having freedom to make their own decisions (Hutchison, 1998: not paged).Most Western feminist literature does not mention or recognise and acknow ledge the em ergence o f a black wom an who is in control o f all aspects o f her life, including the sexual aspects.T he fin d in g s o f the curren t stu d y sh o w th a t b la c k w o m en are assertive about their sexual needs and able to stand up against many forms of abuse and oppression, including sexual abuse.
The current study illustrated the fact that participants were in control of their sexual lives and in equal partnerships with their intimate partners.The participants who returned to sexual relations immediately a fte r the assau lt in d icated that they discussed the m atter with their partners.Some participants described how their p a rtn e rs h elp ed them to see sexual assault for what it was, and to separate it from making love, in order to resume their sexual lives.The participants made the decision to re-engage in sexual relations with their partners and were not forced or coerced.However, more research is n e e d e d on th e n ew d e v e lo p m e n ts regarding the em erging young black w om an and her resp o n ses to sexual assault.This is a challenge for both black and Western feminist researchers as well as Black Western feminist researchers.
The em ergence o f the assertive black w o m an id e n tifie d in th e stu d y is, however, not w ithout challenges.The main challenge is that there is no certainty regarding the black m an's acceptance of his new assertive partner.In the current study, a serendipitous observation o f the black m an's attitude m anifested itself in the re p o rte d n eg a tiv e and irrita tin g attitude and behaviour o f some o f the intimate partners o f the participants.The participants reported that their partners took the m atter o f sexual assault too p e rs o n a lly an d b e c a m e v in d ic tiv e , wanting to avenge them selves for what had been d o n e to th e ir p o sse ssio n (partner).One referred to her partner's n eed fo r re v e n g e as a " p e rs o n a l vendetta" .The participants were asked by their partners to provide elaborative descriptions o f the perpetrator, so that the avenging partners could go and look for them.At least two participants were made to take a drive through the streets w ith th e ir p a rtn e rs to lo o k fo r the p e rp e tra to r. S u ch a ttitu d e s and behaviours were reported as affecting the journey towards recovery negatively.M ore im p o rta n tly , su c h p a rtn e r behaviours were interpreted as indirect secondary victimisation ó f the women, because being forced to think about the face o f the perpetrator to the point of being able to provide his description to the partner was like being forced to relive or re-experience the actual act of rape.The fact that the participants reported re fu s a l to en g ag e in su ch e x e rc ise in d ic a te d th a t th ey re g a rd e d th e se behaviours as unwanted, unsupportive an d u n h e lp fu l in th e ir jo u rn e y o f recovery.
T h e fin d in g s a b o u t th e p a r tn e r s ' a ttitu d e s and b eh av io u rs could also h ig h lig h t the e ffe c t th at the sexual assault trauma had on the participants' partners.The partner's ego gets bruised when his partner is sexually violated.In that case, the sexual violation is not only to the woman, but is also directed to him as a violation of his property or object.Vulnerability to being viewed as a sexual object or the property o f men at home, on the streets and in the society at large is a challenge to both black women and their Western sisters.This is indirectly perpetuated by the media through the use of women in advertisements intended to promote m en's achievements.M ore research is needed regarding the how b lack m en are coping w ith the em erging assertive black woman, how b la c k m en a re a c c e p tin g th e ir independent sisters, as well as how they are coping with the rape o f their partners.

The context and the intervening conditions influencing recovery
T h e c o n te x t an d the in te rv e n in g conditions that influence the journey of recovery from sexual assault traum a th ro u g h o u t the d iffe re n t steps w ere interpreted and grouped as follows: 1.
Personal biographies, such as the participants' cultural and religious beliefs, values, experiences and fears -such as the fear o f HIV infection from being sexually assaultedaspirations and personalities. 2 Supportive and non-supportive behaviours of significant others and service providers.A n im p o rta n t fin d in g a m o n g the consequences o f the journey of recovery from sexual assau lt trau m a w as the participants' aw areness that they will never be the sam e person they w ere before the experience o f being sexually assaulted.They regarded that experience as part o f their lives forever, although they were yearning for closure.Memories o f the rape event were reported to be something that would remain with them all their lives.One participant related the sight of the scars of her healed wounds th a t w ere in flic te d by the ra p ist as re m in d in g h e r o f th e ra p e o rd e a l whenever she saw them.This is similar to what was reported by W inkler (2002) who is cited by Bletzer and Koss (2006: 5) as an "em otional tattoo" that will forever remain in one's remembrance.
Although the study took a period of six months for each participant, for most the pain o f the sexual assault traum a was already a memory by the end of the study p e rio d .T h e e v e n t w as no lo n g e r constantly on their mind.However, they reported that it was a memory that was e a s ily trig g e re d by a n y th in g th at rem otely resem bled sexual violation, including any criminal behaviour.
-b la m in g and b lam in g G od are illustrated in the excerpts below: "A fter that I arrived at home blaming m y se lf regarding m yself as useless.I should have gone straight home and not gone to the party with Pamela [friend, not her real name].I should not have slept a t her place.I kept asking m yself why G od allow ed this to happen to me." g h elp d u rin g th e p h a se o f a w a k e n in g w as in flu e n c e d by the decisions o f other people, w ho either gave advice to the participant or took charge or control o f the situation and arranged for what they thought was the best for the participant: An example o f the decisions taken by the health professionals on b ehalf o f the participant was referral for counselling, as illustrated below: "Another thing, I went to the counselling session at Litha Park as I was referred by the nurse at the centre.I did not know anything about counselling, but I went as suggested by the nurse ".
A c c o rd in g to th e C o n c is e O x fo rd Dictionary of Current English, 1964 (1404), the 'turning point' is a point in place, time or development at which decisive c h a n g e o c c u rs.T h is c a te g o ry w as identified as a core category of the theory o f w om en's journey o f recovery from sexual assault trauma.Its subcategories in c lu d e d the fo llo w in g : w o m a n 's definition of herself as a survivor or victim o f sexual assault, taking control and re s p o n s ib ility a b o u t w h at go es on, symbolic actions, and the face of the rape victim versus the face o f the survivor.
concept of 'defining own landmarks' in th e jo u rn e y o f re c o v e ry w as constructed from the follow ing words and their m eaning: 'defin in g ', w hich means to m ake clear or declare exact m e a n in g (T h e C o n c ise O x fo rd D ictionary o f C urrent E nglish , 1964: 319), and 'landm ark', which means an o bject or event m arking a stage in a process or a turning point in history (The Concise Oxford D ictionary o f Current English, 1964:677).
Another observation was that the sexual assault m anagement team, including the legal and social services, all w orked together in the m anagem ent of sexual assault survivors, ensuring that forensic e v id e n c e w as c o lle c te d , p h y sic a l e x a m in a tio n w as c o n d u c te d and d o c u m en ted accu rately , h isto ry and statem ents about the incident o f rape w e re d o c u m e n te d a c c u ra te ly , and participants were well informed o f the progress of the case to the court o f law to ensure that justice was done.
As a result, the w o m e n e m b a rk e d on a s e rie s o f conscious and subconscious actions to return to the self.The series of conscious and unconscious actions are depicted in th e c o n c e p ts o f th e th e o ry o f th e women's journey o f recovery from sexual a s s a u lt tra u m a d is c o v e re d and d ev elo p ed from d e scrip tio n s by the wom en o f their social w orld after the event o f sexual assault.These concepts in c lu d e a w a k e n in g , p ra g m a tic acceptance, turning point, reclaim ing what was lost, defining own landmarks for healing, and readiness for closure.
supports the findings on the p resence o f the ultim ate goal o f recovery.He states that for recovery to occu r, o n e n eed s to h av e a g o al, a direction, an inspiration, faith or hope.T h e fin d in g s in d ic a te th a t th o se participants who identified their ultimate goal o f recovery early in their journey w ere able to take co n tro l and m ove forward, irrespective o f the intervening conditions.The findings also revealed that women identify their own landmarks o f healing o r re c o v e ry .In te rp r e ta tio n o f th e la n d m a rk s o f re c o v e ry id e n tif ie d , to g e th e r w ith th e u ltim a te g o a l o f retu rn in g to self, w as the w o m e n 's meaning o f recovery from sexual assault.Recovery from sexual assault traum a as a phenom enon, is a personal journey.Hence, each participant had to identify her own ultimate goal and define her own landm arks o f healin g or recov erin g .T hese findings are supported by the Recovery M ovement within the mental health fraternity's definition o f recovery.The R ecovery M ovem ent co n ducted rese arc h to reach c o n se n su s on the d e fin itio n o f re co v ery , fin d in g th at recovery is "a deep personal, unique p ro cess o f cha n g in g o n e ' s attitudes, values, fe e lin g s, goals, skills a nd o r roles." Recovery was also reported to involve the development of new meaning and purpose in o n e 's life (Jacobson, 2003: 378).T he sam e d e fin itio n o f recov ery is d e sc rib e d by D av id so n , o 'Connell, Thandora, Staeheli & Evans (2006: not paged).T he m ajo r b re a k th ro u g h in and the significance o f the findings o f this study was the w om en's identification o f their own landm arks o f recovering.For the first time, black women's voices regarding w hat they consider im portant in their health and recovery from sexual assault trauma, and their views regarding their b o d ie s and th e ir n eed s in in tim a te r e la tio n s h ip s , w ere a n a ly s e d and interpreted in research.These voices have b e e n u se d to c o n s tr u c t new and legitimate knowledge about what black women consider to be important in their lives, their wellness, their bodies and their health and recovering from sexual assault trauma -as opposed to what the Western world has defined as the 'ideal' for all women.
The black wom en's perception o f weight g a in as a la n d m a rk o f h e a lin g or recovering w arrants recognition as a contribution to developm ent o f new and legitimate knowledge about what seems to be im p o rta n t to b la c k w o m e n 's definition o f healing or recovering from sexual assault.Service providers should take this into cognisance when planning, im plem enting or evaluating secondary in terventions for survivors o f sexual assault.
3. ' Supportive and non-supportive environment, including family, community and society, as well as the health, legal and social system.The presence or absence o f one or more o f th e se in flu e n c e s th e jo u rn e y o f recovery from sexual assault for each

Curationis December 2007 he
I talk about it, i t ' s like I am talking about som ething that happened to me in my childhood or long ago.You know .... [silence and thinking] like when a successful person tells you about how or she went to school without shoes, a n d how p a in fu l th a t was, w ith o u t actually feelin g that pain again.To me that is healing.That is, if I can talk about the pain that happened to me when I was raped without actually feelin g that pain any more.You know, I was telling another woman I m et at the clinic on our way back fro m the clinic about my rape story.She looked at me and said, but you do not look like you were raped and you do not even look like you fe lt the pain.Then I knew I am better now."